Tues. Apr. 5
So I am listening to Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry. That is just an awesome song, it also helps that I am in the mood to listen to the great Reverend Bob Marley. I went out and shoveled manure at my Aunt's the yesterday, I suggest never doing it in flip flops especially in the rain. It now appears I will be paying my Aunt and her family $100 a month (or more) to feed Puck and Hot Chick twice a day. Brenda has decided she does not want to buy the house we have been looking at, she wants to move to Kennewick, Wa. This comes at the behest of her mother. I think she sees how often her family moved when she was a child and assumes there will be no problem with us moving there. I have pointed out that the closest Parelli instructor to me here is 45 min. away, and I have to find out how far away one would be from Kennewick (I believe it will be 3 hours at least). Then we have the problem of no jobs in the area right now, no place to put the horses, the property she is looking at costs more than what we can afford (although we could keep the horses there, but I could not be an instructor there), and now that we are looking at starting Bee Kissed it puts us farther away from all of the contacts my father has in the health stores amd the natural health industry. I don't understand what she sees or thinks. I understand that it is extremely hard on her that I have no job right now. I have begun excercising daily, and taking vitamins as well. I am feeling more active, but without a goal to aim for I have trouble working at a job I hate. Today I go mow the lawn and take care of the weeds at the Highland Dr. property that Jerry owns. I hope there is not alot to do. I really have to get my butt in gear with Gàidhlig, or I will fall behind. I missed class last week and now I have to work even harder to keep up. There seems to be a problem with this computer as well. The mouse keeps freezing up on me, and the keyboard is responding slower and slower. Maybe the ports are the ones failing and not the devices themselves as I previously thought. I will have to run some more tests. The more I think back on what I have typed here and what I am typing now it appears I have a negative outlook on the world, but I keep telling myself that this is just a release valve for me but I know that is not true. This is an amazing view at how I look at the world, and it surprises myself. I thought I was much more positive than this. I guess I will be implementing some changes so that my point of view will become a little more positive. Life just seemed better when I was more positive. Not sure if I will just start writing as if I were more positive and see if that makes a change (not too keen on that, because I just lost a major indicator as to whether or not I am actually viewing things positively or not) or if I will begin a strict excercise regimen including waking up earlier and meditation. We will see once I get it figured out.
Fri. Apr. 1
This is a two day entry. I am really starting it March 31. but I don't want to make a one day entry for March like I did for January. A ton has happened. We now have a Filly for Puck. Her name is Sandy Acres Dairy's One Hot Chick, Brenda and I are trying to decide if we want to spend the $100 to have her registered name changed or just call her by a different name. So far we just call her Hot Chick. We are looking at buying a house out in West Valley City, but it looks like we will probably have to Lease it with an option to buy. I am still having problems with a job, and Brenda has been at hers for a only a year. Puck and Hot Chick are staying at my Aunt and Uncle's in West Valley and they say they can stay there as long as we want, so basically it is a matter of us getting out there so that I am close enough to feed them and train them. I have been helping Brandon put tile in his accountant's house, and sometime in the near future I will be putting it in a house my father is building. I should be receiving some materials for taking a test with the post office, hopefully I get the job, I really need a good, high paying job. I went to Heber to see a Parelli instructor, and I went through all seven games and we were ready to do some riding, but the horse was not. She said I could come up and work with her horse for only a $10 arena fee, but I can not afford the gas and time it takes to drive up there. I really wish I could though. I am making a big push to do the lip balm thing again, maybe it will actually happen this time. Brenda's parents come into town this weekend and I assume tomorrow I will be up in Logan all day. I am curious about what her parents think about me.
I have not picked a secondary career to that of me being a horse instructor, I just can't think of anything else I would like to do. I have alot of different ideas but none of them seem to be realistic. My mind is really scattered right now, especially having Brenda talking to me right this second. I guess she can't hear me typing. I am doing pretty well in my Gàidhlig class, in about 2 more weeks we will begin doing conversation, and have the option to setup conversation times with Donald. I am in a real rut right now, I believe I need to go out and start excercising everday again. I have my rowing machine, and I can get a new pair of shoes for running, plus I did all of that PT in Virginia which I could never forget. Maybe it will just elevate my mood, that would definately be enough. It seems I have to give up one more thing again though - Kung Fu. I just don't think I will ever have the time to go to class. Work full time, train horses, study Gàidhlig, fix up the house we will be buying, try to get the lip balm company going, keep my marriage stable, I just struggle to see how I will fit Kung Fu in. If I had 7 years here in the valley I think I could accomplish my goals, but Brenda is giving up alot staying here waiting for me to get my life in order. So I will give up a few things to get out of here sooner. I hate the idea that she has been the sole provider for so long, and it is wearing on her as well. Maybe she will understand what I will be going through for the rest of my life... I loathe the idea of having to work for the rest of my existence. Thankfully she likes the idea of working, just not the idea that she HAS to work. Sadly I know I have to work so it is slightly different for us. Oh well, that is the way life is now I just wish I could live in the mountains away from everything. I just don't seem to do well with responsibility or people. On a horrible note, Rock our new neighbor (he bought the General's property) has now cut down almost every single tree there. It looks horrible and I can't wait to see how he screws up the rest of the place. I wish the General never died, and I am glad I will be moving before Rock gets settled in as a neighbor. He told me that I had several months to keep Puck in the orchard, and then he came up to me in church and told me I had less than a week to get him out. I guess people don't realize how hard it is to find a place to keep a horse and move it in less than a week, unless you are made of money. I got Hans and Rawb to help Brenda and I setup the fencing, but it still took a few days to do since working alone get's little to nothing done and everyone has work. I still have a shelter to build for Hot Chick and then I am pretty much done with everything for a few months. I just have to keep an eye on their bellies and the grass level in the pasture.Yipeee hooray for magic, everything a splode.