Wed. Dec. 22
Tomorrow I go to Washington. I will be giving $1200 to my Mother-in-Law. This will be almost fun. I think I might cry. I will enjoy the drive up there though, I haven't been on a long road trip in a while. I will be making at least 2 new CD's for the trip. By the time I get back from Wa. my teeth should be at the point where I only have minor adjustments (3-4 weeks for that) and then about 3 months of wearing my braces, then they are gone! I am praying they are gone by my birthday. After that, I get the magical and happy retainer... yipee. I have alot of laundry to do today, and wrapping presents, plus I have to show my dad and JL how much food to give Puck and make sure they know what times he gets fed. I will be letting my Mother know this as well, I am unsure whether my brother and dad will remember the right amounts, and times every single day. Not there fault, they are busy and forget stuff... I do too. Brenda printed up some pictures of us to give to her grandparents, I am just glad she didn't suggest we take Puck up with us... last time she did that I thought she lost her marbles. I am looking for real estate deals that my dad can use, so he can make more money, I get a cut of it and after a few years... maybe I can buy some land outright in Wa. Then I will also have the knowledge to do what my dad is doing here, and hopefully do the same in Wa. until I have our house paid off, and own some property in the mountains... I will have a cabin with gun ports!!! I figure I need to make about $400,000 to have all of it paid off... $65K for the land, $250K for the house, and anywhere from $30-80K for my rec. land in the mountains. The land in the mountains comes last though since I will already have at least 5 acres right there at my house (hopefully closer to 10). Brenda makes all of the money we need to survive here, and that means anything I make is pure savings, working with my dad hopefully I will be able to pull $35-$65K a year. I will also work a part time job until we are so busy with projects that it is all I have time for. By then I will expect more money though. If I am super lucky and work extra hard I can have the money for the land and half of the house by the time we move to Wa. But I will at least have the money to buy the land outright. I am apprehensive about going to Wa. I really feel uncomfortable around Brenda's family. I have no idea how I fit in... or if I even do. Part of me wants to prove something to them, and the other part revolts at the thought of that. Why should I? I am me, and that is all. I am completely comfused with life right now, and all I know is that everyone else I have talked with is as well. Gives me little hope, basically I am ready to just give up, who really cares? There is no point, nearly everything I enjoy about living is gone, I don't see why people continue to live the way they do. I just want to be away from the cities, the people, the money, but you need money to do that. I hate it. I want to work with the land, live off the land, work with my hands. Something simple, not easy, but simple. As it is now, living that way is just a death wish, hardly anyone can survive that way and they get there with alot of money or property passed on from generation to generation. It disgusts me where our "civilization" has gone. I am fine with everyone staying where they are, I just want to get out, but it seems impossible. I want to vomit.
Wed. Dec. 15
I have Egg nog, Sausages, and Kimchi. Nothing can stop me, I am a force to be reckoned with. I have made a new video portion to my site, but I think it might have so much traffic I will have to remove it before the end of the month. This is the only place and time you will see it linked. Maybe that will cut down on traffic, plus I will be removing the 100+ megs of seinfeld/superman videos in a week or so. I now have a picture of my brain!!! and of course: Detail. Oh man it is so cool, I am glad that I found it again and have it in digital format. I now have proof that at one time I truly did have a brain. I will be making a shirt with that on it, it will be amazing. I almost almost done with real life comics, it is taking forever. Really slow during the day, and I am not up all night to read it, but I might actually finish it today. I also found someone who will fix my Palm Pilot for $80, I just have to come up with the money. I have a set of chains for Brenda's car, I bought those with the money Brenda's dad gave me for christmas... I might return them if we don't use them. That is $42.00 then I only need to convince my parents and whoever has me for the secret santa to just give me cash, and I will be ablet o get it fixed! I would really like to have it repaired, it helped me out a lot, and also passed the time when I had nothing else to do. Hans now has GT3 and his PS2, it is so fun to be playing that game again, and in about 5 more days we will have GT4!!! I can't wait to see what that is like. Brenda was sick yesterday, I think she is still sick today, but went to work anyways. I am going crazy not working, I would really like to find a part time job. Then I could buy the materials I needed to learn how to train Puck, and begin on the path I would like to become a horse trainer. I am really really seriously considering taking my dad up on his offer of finding properties for him to develop, and then I get a percentage at the end of it. I really need to figure out what feels right though. I am really getting cabin fever right now though, I must go find something to do... stupid being human.
Mon.. Dec. 13
Well, I am still unemployed, but I may be working out at my Aunt Joleen's painting all of the rooms and remodeling her bathroom. It will be nice to have some money to replace the $1500 we give to Brenda's mom this christmas. Also I will be able to start my Wing Chun class again! I think Brenda is looking for a new job here, and I hope she gets one. She might be happier and it would give her better experience, and maybe better pay. I just need enough time to become a SiFu, Gàidhlig teacher, Ferrier, Locksmith, and well on my way to a trainer of Horses. I think with the ability to do all of those things I should be able to make some good money. Puck has been a pain in the butt lately, I am unsure if it is his testosterone, or just all of his pent up energy from having no one to play with. Probably a little bit of both. As far as I can figure it will cost me at a min. $3500 over 3 years. Most likely it will cost me $4500-$5000 though. That will include several classes for training horses, and being a certified SiFu, Gàidhlig teacher, ferrier and locksmith. I just hope that I will be able to do them all. I will make a list of which is most important to least, and make sure I complete at least the top half. As always keeping Brenda in here until I have finished is the hardest part. I have been looking at a website that shows pictures of people who were maimed and killed in wars, they even have videos, it is almost disturbing, but not quite. Right now I am looking at things from the war in Iraq, I have even seen some people with their faces missing, it is kinda cool. I wish I could be there shooting people and blowing people up. Ever since people stopped fighting me my aggression levels have slowly risen more and more, I just need to put some people in the hospital, or at least bloody their face a good deal. I miss fighting with weapons too... I really miss fighting, there is just nothing else like it in the world. The sad thing is I still do whatever it takes to avoid a fight, except for walking away, until it comes time to fight... I really need a good fight. It's like an addiction, I don't think there is a drug on earth that can do what violence can. Well I will have to excercise today and let that tide me over until I finally get a chance to fight again. Stupid damn world and people who want to stop all of the fighting. It makes absolutely no sense.
Wed. Dec. 07
Well judas priest, I just realized it is pearl harbor day or whatever it's called. It's also my friend Matt Broadbent's birthday. I rule at the update, master king and champion! Well we are supposed to have snow storms this entire week, or something like that. Thankfully my neighbor who is building a new home is going to let me have some of his ice and water shield to put on the roof of Puck's shed. Puck has been spending alot of time in the shed, that has to do with the fact that I put his food in there now, but I also believe it is because it is alot warmer in there... the wimp. He is going soft, I will have to send him back to wyoming to toughen up! Things are not going too well for me, I have yet to get a job and I looked online and it is depressing the crap out of me. My ankle is hurting like crazy and the muscles up my shin and calf are cramping. I am going to Washington for Christmas to be with Brenda's family, I am not sure how much I look forward to that, They are much different than my family and it will take me some time to get used to them. I will be bringing alot of books. Our federal return has not arrived yet, but we have almost $4000.00 in savings now, but $1500 of that goes to washington with us to pay her mom... that makes me a sad panda. Oh well we owe her the money, at least it is not the full amount of money her mother paid for Brenda's schooling. I have been working out lightly and I need to step it up, and I am stuck on that list of things I want to change about myself, maybe I will just start on it and write anything else that comes up as I go along. I have not found another place to keep Puck but the executor has not called me to tell me I have to get him out NOW!!!!, so I am not too worried yet. I really should find a place for him before we go to Washington though, but it will be a pain in the butt for my family to take care of him if he is at a neighbors yard. Hopefully we can hold out until January, then I can move him somewhere else until rock schutjer buys the General's, then I can keep Puck there until they start landscaping. (which is a long time, up to a year) After that I can move him to a neighbors again, I hope. I wish I could just beat the crap out of a criminal, or shoot one, and take a magical bag or briefcase he is carrying that happens to be full of money. I wish life wasn't so realistic. Oh well, I can always just run away to the mountains and live off the land while trying to avoid forest rangers and BLM officers. I think Brenda would hunt me down and kill me if I left her and did that though
