Fri. June 13 2003
I am about to kill something today, I am having a horrible breakdown. I can barely hold still, I want to crush my head open, or hurt someone. It's times like these that lead me to think that I am truly insane.
Tues. June 10 2003
Well I got my first set of shots on my right knee... and it seems to be working already. I go in tomorrow and get my first set on my left knee. Hans talked to me and I will be selling his 2000 Laser Discs on Ebay, he gets 25% and I keep the rest, the business part of me says that's absolutely fair, but the nice guy in me says I should do it for free, or I should only get 25%, but I know that that is not fair to me. It is hard to speak up for myself, I have spent so much time just taking it until I finally get upset and then lash out in anger... and it "suprisingly" (can you taste (yes taste) the sarcasm dripping from my tongue???) never seems to help. I have been talking with alot of people and thinking things through and I am finally getting comfortable with being openly honest with people I feel are mistreating me, and doing it in a way that is not aggressive or accusing. Tough to pull off, but it actually seems to work. Brenda is looking for full time work here in salt lake so that she can move down here ASAP, and I am trying to get my training schedule set so that I can make some money too. It's tough starting out a marriage, but it is a good way to strengthen the marriage too. Alot of people would say it makes or breaks a marriage (money trouble, and stresses like that) but to me it is just something to strengthen it, it's hard for outside elements to break a commitment, people usually break it a long time before outside forces will. Brenda and I spend alot of time reaffirming our commitment to one another, that we will stick it out even if/when everything else is gone and all we have left is our commitment to one another. My mom says that things come and go, and vascilate, and commitment is one of the only constants you have, and it's also one of the only things you have a choice in. So here I am a newly wed and I am already philosophizing on how to stay married to one person... am I trying to reinvent the wheel? Oh well, divorce isn't really an option for me, unless there is some severe abuse going on. On a lighter note I am still alive and I still breath air! Amazing isn't it? Oh well, life is life.
Thur. June 5 2003
So today I informed my entire family that I eloped on May 17, 2003. After the initial shocked wore off each memeber they were all supportive and happy for me. I am glad that that is how it went. I am afraid of how Brenda's family will react, she told her brother, and he was supportive but warns (and Brenda thinks, plus a few of my own ideas) that the rest will either be unhappy, upset, in hysterics, or totally pissed off, or possibly a combination. Her family knows we are engaged, and they have expressed unhappiness about that, so when we go up to Washington in the end of June we are going to tell them we are married... that will be interesting. I am working as a Lone Wolf on the Fluoride issue now, but I have been able to be exposed to alot of good info on other ways of keeping it out of the water... so now I have alot of work to do, and only a few months to do it, but as always I will prevail. Also Nutrition Now is no longer selling Trauma One, and they have told my dad that he can talk to the lady who imports it about getting exclusive rights to it, if that happens I have a very aggressive plan to get it to trainers for many (hundreds) of universities athletics departments, as well as to the trainers of many (around 100) Pro sports teams... from there we will market it to all sports athletes, and people with injuries, surgery, or who get injured easily. (elderly, surgery patients, ER patients, kids) My end goal is to sell 10 million tubes a year, which will in turn give my father and I a hefty profit and a nice way to retire, until then I get to work really really hard to try and support myself off of the sales I can make until it really takes off... and I split half of the profits with my dad. I am training 6 days a week for soccer, working on Trauma One, Fluoride, married, and probably going to need a part time job in Aug. So right now my plate is full... but I am going to work through it and within one year I will get my butt to Italy and go pro! The nice thing is JL said he would help out with the Trauma One thing, and by the time I leave it should be to the point that JL can manage everything while I am away. Well my plate is full, but at least it is keeping me busy, and that is better than being totally bored. On monday I go and get my first set of shots on my right knee, and I should get a prescription for Topomax so that I can start that and be off of Tegretol within a month! I know I have more to say but one side affect of being on basically only tegretol is screwy memory and alot of anxiety... the Lamictal really leveled me out, and I just started Keppra so I have to wait a while until it kicks in. Oh well, life is fun for me I guess. I bought a rowing machine, I am just waiting for it to be mailed here, and that will help out with my training and endurance, plus I am getting a flak jacket soon and that will also help out with training and conditioning. Gotta keep plugging along towards my dream eh?