Thur. May 22 2003
Today was better than yesterday, I went to the neurologist, and he has agreed to prescribe my choices of medication at the dosages I chose. He is probably the best doctor I have ever worked with, his philosophy is to let the patient manage it and make the decisions, he just offers suggestions and keeps them from doing something that will harm them. I also let him know how his staff was treating me (like a child) and he took great interest in it and will bring it up at there staff meeting this week. (he will not mention my name) My dad and I actually talked today, and although we didn't resolve anything we at least had an open line of communication, so that is at least a plus. Hopefully in time we will understand one another, and be able to respect one another's point of view. I talked to my dad about a rowing machine, and he seemed to like the idea, so maybe he will go in 50/50 with me until I can pay him back for all of it, or have him pay me and I buy another one. I plan on moving out by August, but I need a part time job, and I need it to have medical insurance... it is going to cost me roughly $260.00 a month for my anti-convulsant medication, and if I have to stay on paxil it is another $75 a month, I can't afford that, I need medical insurance. I will need roughly $400-$550 a month for rent, but that is ok, because Brenda plans on moving in with me. (yes we will behave ourselves, I have had enough temptation for one lifetime, sides, we are bestfriends and both religious and want to go to the temple and take out endowments ASAP) So I can split that, and then cover food and a few bills I should be set. I am looking into working for UPS or The UPS Store, they both offer medical coverage, and 80% dental among other things, and it starts when you start. So far I don't think I can work the hours that UPS has, (seizures are nice, until you have one) and The UPS Store doesn't have any openings right now, at least not the ones within 4 miles of my house... but I will go to them and turn in applications, hopefully a part time opening will become available in the next few weeks. If I work 20-30 hours a week at $8.00 an hour I should be making $500-$800 a month after taxes. With that I could pay for rent, food, medication (if I had insurance or help from my parents) credit card, put money in savings, and pay off a special purchase I made recently. Of course that's if no complications come up at all... which we all know that is not how life works, so basically I am going to need help from an outside source (Brenda said she would help me) if I am going to move out, work part time, and train full time. Where is my magic investor? I really could use the money in the next 9 months so that I can get to Italy. Well I go to a wedding reception with Brenda tonight, it is one of her old roommates, and after that I go up to her place for the weekend. I really miss her, sheesh it's only been a few days... oh well such is life. I plan on enjoying the weekend, getting some training in and relaxing alot.
Wed. May 21 2003
Well I am looking into getting a rowing machine, I love those, they rule. I am training regularly now, and I am looking into part time jobs as well. I need money, and I have none. Yippy for me. I have alot of stress right now, but I am slowly working with it, I am also fasting today, about Soccer, Money, and Brenda. I have a monthly payment of $150.00 for a .52 carat heart cut diamond for Brenda... uggghhh the things guys do for girls. Oh well, I got it at nearly half price, now I just have to find an engagement ring and a wedding band for her. My dad doesn't like Brenda because he doesn't know her, now that kinda makes sense, but my dad doesn't go out of his way to get to know someone and Brenda is super shy... so there is a problem here, maybe I can sit down with Brenda and my parents and see about them getting to know one another. I am sick of my facial hair, I can only shave every 3 days because I will get bad razor burn if I try it earlier, (my hair doesn't grow fast enough) but I look horrible if I go for more than 2 days without shaving, plus it bugs me by then. I was thinking about getting laser done to it, but I have no money, and Brenda likes stubble once in a while... ugggghhhh the things we do for women. (Brenda I Love you) Well it's $1599.80 for the 5 treatments on the face, and I don't have that money, so maybe once I have $25,000.00 in savings I might go for it, but I will probably wait until I have to shave everyday, or when I can grow something resembling a full beard, I don't like to throw money away. (yeah, and getting facial hair removed isn't a waste?) Oh well, I have more important things to concentrate on, like working on my relationship with Brenda, right now we live apart and only see one another on the weekends, which is ok, but I would like to see her more often, but a nice thing is, she knows that I am a guy and that I will look at girls and "as long as I don't pursue anything" she is fine with it, she also let me know that she still looks at guys, so at least I know I'm human. I don't mind her looking at guys, and I'm not worried about looking at girls, we don't go out of our ways to do it, and we both love one another and we reaffirm that frequently. So basically life is life right now, and I am just struggling through the muck trying to get where I want to go.
Fri. May 16 2003
Just making sure I don't lose the habit of writing in my journal at least every two weeks, I am sure I will write more later today, but I am going to go hiking, and to the park with Brenda, it's going to be fun. I love her.