Tues. Oct. 19
On Saturday I helped Hans move a couch, there was a fire in the building next to his and no one was doing anything. So I walked over and noticed a man on the second floor grabbing an extinguisher. I went in the Apt. with him following, and he put out the fire while I searched for people. The person who lived there was crying and holding the phone outside the building. We left and stood outside for a few minutes, then entered again to make sure it didn't flare up again, and to get the birds out. After a few more minutes I checked the fire again and opened the windows. Then I once more checked to see if the fire flared up again, and left. After a few more minutes I checked to see if the fire had flared up again, and then left. At this point I found out that someone had finally called the fire dept. I can't believe that people just stood there the whole time and never called them. The fire was going before I even got there, and people were standing around not doing anything, just watching it burn. It got into the ventilation system a lil bit, and burned two walls, the floor and the ceiling. The fan unit ontop of the Range was ruined, and I am sure the place will smell like smoke for a long long time. At least the entire unit didn't burn, or the one above it. Matt (one of cal's sons) won't work in the rain, and everyone who works for cal has no clue whether they are working the next day or not, and where they will be working, or what they will be doing. Kay (the general's daughter) fell down the stairs today and broke her arm, she called 911 instead of calling us, they took her to the hospital. I guess you could argue that since she broke her arm she was frightened, 911 is easier to dial... but I have broken my arm. It happened when I was 12, after I had a seizure so I couldn't even walk, I crawled on the floor towards the door in pretty bad pain, groaning for my mom, trying to get to the phone to call my dad. Her parents are dead now, but she does have a Boyfriend, and neighbors (like my family) who could help her, especially since she was mobile. Oh well... I am not the one paying for the ambulance costs. My ankle is stronger now, but not nearly strong enough... I figure I will be fine within one more week. I worked myself over on this one. Kim Larsen (family friend) wants me to come up to Tremonton and shoot the coyotes that are killing off all of his sheep, I don't know why he, or his children have not done this yet... it just seems to make sense to protect your livelihood. I don't think they should hunt them where ever they are, but there is a family that lives right by his farm, and they are most likely the ones killing his sheep. If I have the time to go up there and help I will, but I really think that it is something they should have addressed at the beginning of the spring and summer, it is something that they are aware of, since they breed sheep and cattle. If I do go up there, and if I do kill a coyote, I will tan it's pelt, and take the body somewhere where the other animals can eat it. No sense in killing an animal and just leaving it there to rot, or throwing it away. It will definately take alot of thought to get to the point to kill a coyote, I struggle with killing. Especially since it is not my survival at stake. People are really good at rationalizing things eh? Puck is doing well, we are now posting signs about people feeding him... it is just getting out of hand. So hopefully now only people will feed him with our direct permisison, and only what we tell them to feed him. Also never feeding him directly out of there hand. Brenda finally got her portfolio to the company that wanted it, and the boss is in jamaica until wed. so we will hear back from them in a few days. Brandon (JL's friend) said it looked awesome though. Hopefully Brenda will get the job there, and she will get a good pay raise, and a job that she enjoys, with a tall ladder to climb. For me... well I have no hope of anything right now... I have no clue what is going on. I just have dreams... and they amount to nothing at the moment. Yay for me.
Fri. Oct. 15
So today I went to work for Cal, and my ankle was killing me, and I have a cramp up my calf and quad. My hip is killing me, and my knee is mad. I'm a lucky lucky little boy! I joined LowerLights it is an homage to the BBS of the same name that was around when I was a lil kid. I spent a little bit of time on it, so I joined for fun, plus JL's friend is the one who set it up. I know a few people who are on it, and I even went to school with at least one of them. I spend alot of time checking Metafilter and Slashdot now, Metafilter is a little bit to liberal for me during elections, and slashdot is crazy when it comes to some of the comments people make about the things people post. But what can you expect when you have a bunch of "faceless" people who can write whatever they want. Like Hans says "forums = I hate the band you like." So far it has been fairly true. All of my teeth are hurting, and I am having trouble eating things, I hope that will pass in another day... but it may be around for alot longer, I have no clue what is going on, my dad has not given me any information at all. I would like to have an idea of where my teeth will be moving, how long my teeth should hurt for, just rough ideas, and if my teeth go a certain way I should tell him because we have to fix it fast. I have four teeth that are totally off from the rest, #2 #15 #18 #31 thats the upper right and left molars and bottom left and right molars, I don't have my wisdom teeth, so obviously I don't have 1, 16, 17, 32. It goes from the top right to the left, then the bottom left to the right. If you are looking into someones mouth, then it goes clockwise starting with the right hand side, top wisdom tooth. That's what I get for working in a dentist's office... Brenda just told me that her bum is cold. Wow, that just completely crashed my train of thought, "Think ya used enough dynamite there, Butch?" Well I have no plans for tomorrow, I know that in a week and a half or so Brenda's parents are coming to visit, and I have no idea how that will go, they may or may not stay here. My whole body is in pain, it makes thought tough, I just want to daydream. I am still waiting for my ammended tax returns... State and Federal, that should give Brenda and I the boost we want in our savings account. Of course, we will probably be giving half of our savings to Brenda's mom to pay back some of her debt for school, so it's really only going to be a boost for a day or so. The scars on my head have been itching like crazy for the past few weeks, I wish I could just cut them off and not have new scars form... but plastic surgery is just not good enough for what I have. I am really curious about what the big scar looks like, but I really really don't want to shave my head, that is something I shudder to think about, and not just becuase of the scars, but because I like my hair. I think I will scan in the pics of my brain and post them, and also what my head looked like after surgery. That might be interesting... stay tuned, knowing how quickly I do things on this site it could be tomorrow or within 5 years!!! Brenda just brought me hot chocolate, and it's actually hot this time... it's really good hot. My mind has given up, it's done for the night, I should just write things down through the day so that I can actually keep track of them here, but maybe that gives my mind the opportunity to forget more things? I don't know, in school all I had to do was take notes in class, just write it down, and I never ever looked at the notes again, never even looked at them when I wrote them down, and I always remembered everything. Maybe I should start to use my mind alot again, then i could get it kicking butt all over, and finally get my inventions going! I have to get excercising first though, healthy body, healthy mind, lots of stuff to do, and being up late on the computer is not helping me tonight, maybe it will help me tomorrow night? Let's find out!
Thurs. Oct. 14
Well, I will be working for Cal again. (Kristin's father) It will be nice to be working, and it will only be until Brandon and Kristin move up here at the end of the month. I will have to wrap my ankle, but it should be OK. I have been able to walk on it more, and it has not hurt as much either. I have been reading this website Clientcopia it is pretty good, gives me a good laugh and makes me glad that I am not in the service industry... well I guess I am now... again. I have trouble with stupid people, probably because I have trouble with myself when I am stupid. Yesterday a lady came to the door and asked me why I have a "vote no on 3" sign in the yard, it is about defining marriage as only between man and woman. So I gave her my reasons, and her only reason for voting for it was because the church said it was a sin, and I pointed out that people are supposed to keep church and state seperate, it had no real effect. Also the fact that homosexuals have a constitutional right to the same rights as everyone else IE: marriage, school, jobs, life... minor things like that, seems to allude the common sense receptors of the majority of people in the USA. Why not just say that only white heterosexual males can have jobs, vote, and get an education, let's really live up to the stereotype that most people won't let go of. (yes I am being facetious) I took the printer back and exchanged it, the new one works fine. So now Brenda is off my back and happy once more. I have to wash Puck, but I may be working today... so it may not get done until Saturday... which won't make her happy. Oh well, on the whole she still likes me. The animal rights activists want me to have a debate with them about animal testing... I am not sure if I will, I don't see the point really, especially since I am not an expert in the field. I would rather just hang out with them and discuss views, but I believe they want news coverage and to get there point of view out to the public more, which is understandable. I would rather have another way of having testing done, but right now it just doesn't seem feasible. But I could be wrong, I have been before. Today I get more work done on my teeth, I have been really impatient about this, I really want it finished, a few years is alot of time for me, especially since I am narcissistic. I don't want my teeth to be "perfect" like most people who have orthodontic stuff done, because I think it is fake and a waste. My idea of perfection is something that is just slightly flawed. I drop off Brenda's Portfolio today to the company that wanted to look at it, hopefully they really like it and interview her, and she gets offered the job. That would be awesome, we could really use the extra money, our savings account struggles to break $3,000 and the company is in the exact field Brenda's degree is in. So it would be perfect experience for her. It also has a very long ladder for her to climb, with lots of benefits and training. She could actually learn 3D modeling and animation if she stays for a few years. That would put her on the track for animation, which is what she really wants to do. By then I should have either school completed here, or be on a Pro soccer team. Either way we would be ready to move. Oh well, the future is so crazy I have trouble planning for it now. Ugggghhhh I have no clue what to write... bye.
Fri. Oct. 8
So I have no clue what is going on, my ankle is almost healed all the way, my knee is doing well, but when I walk alot my ankle hurts. I am getting sick of not doing anything, sitting around has made me more depressed. I have to sand the pottery wheel alot, and then I can put the primer coat on it, and then it is ready to go. I have to get my wedging table made, that will take a lil while. I will also teach my mom how to throw, and hopefully next week I will be working more as well. This past month we have spent a ton more money then we should have, and I am not too happy about that. Oh well, some things had to be done, we got a printer that does full bleed so that brenda can work on her portfolio, and that seems to be a need, I got some of the books I have wanted for a long long time, and I will get the rest in the next 2 months. The cart really set us back, but hopefully we will get our ammended tax return back. Also we really need the refund for my prescriptions, I am really really tempted to go off of my prescriptions, it is just not economically feasable to be on them, but of course then there is not much reason to have insurance. It all depends on how much of a discount I get with the insurance. Brenda is trying to work out the kinks in the printer right now, and for some reason the printer is a point of friction between us. I guess I just feel like I am around to fix things and buy things. But, I am not really making much money.... so that last part is completely inaccurate even though I still feel that way. Maybe I am just a hurdle in the way of buying things. I wish I could completely support us, but right now that is just not possible, I have too many problems, too much wrong. I am trying so hard and yet nothing is working. It is humiliating. I can accept her working, but I can't accept myself not working and supporting both of us. If we were on a ranch, I could live with her making the money, if I were taking care of the ranch, and the animals, preparing the food, taking care of the animals and equipment, things like that. At least I would feel like it was a fair trade, right now I just feel like a 10,000 pound weight around Brenda, keeping her from doing anything. Oh well, I have completely forgotten what else I wanted to talk about, see you later.
Well, Sheri cam over last night with her Boyfriend Pete for dinner, it was fun. I am glad I got to hang out with her again and catch up. It has been a while, and she even likes Brenda. I still realize that I was not made for marriage, I seem to still be married, and keep Brenda happy but something inside me just feels uncomfortable just dealing with anyone so intimately for so long, and so much it wears on me, makes me want to just crawl away and hide. Other than that I have no problem with it. my ankle is doing better, most of my pain is from my bruise, it is still a little swollen. Once it heals I will begin my training for soccer again, and I will begin some serious contemplation about my career as a pro soccer player. Tons of tapping being done, I have problems like crazy, and then just don't seem to be going away. They seem to be getting bigger and bigger, I guess that could be good. I want to be a soccer player so badly that I won't accept anything else. So if I ask God what I should do and he tells me something other than a pro soccer player, I won't know what to do, because I just can't accept anything else. I also don't believe I can succeed at being a pro soccer player unless he tells me I should be one. So how is that for a problem, I won't ask him because I am afraid he will tell me something different than what I really truly want for my life, and I am afraid I will fail at what I really truly want unless he tells me that it's what I should do. Brenda wants me to do what I want to do, but she would like me to do it soon, she is even willing to support us until I am making money to support us. As a backup to soccer I can persue being a Vet, I would like to be a large animal vet, I enjoy animals, especially large animals. Also I could take care of Puck and any other animals that we own through our life. Oh well, i have no clue what I am going to do for sure, but I have to figure it out soon. I am off to run more errands and get a bunch of little things done.
Mon. Oct. 4
So I am such a slacker, I never update anything. I now have a cart for Puck and he is doing great with it, I have only taken him out with it twice but already he is behaving great. I will post some pictures soon, but he will have the beginnings of his winter coat, thankfully Brenda gave up on the idea of getting him a blanket. I played some soccer last Wed. and completely screwed up my ankle and knee, I have a bruise and swollen ankle still. Kind of fun... but limping around is not my idea of a good way to get around 5 days after, but for the extent of the injury I am healing faster than anyone else I know. I start Gáidhlig (Gaelic) class Nov. 1st, I have been studying little, but I will pick it up more as I get closer, hopefully this time I will have the time to actually stick with it. I really really want to speak Gáidhlig. I have been doing alot of tapping with my mom, and it seems to be helping a ton, my back and hip pain is gone, and has not come back and now we are working on my problems with family, and with playing soccer. I really want to be a pro soccer player but something seems to keep on stopping me. I hope this will break that down and I can finally fulfill that dream. I have been getting higher in the google rankings, it is odd, I don't know anyone who has been linking to me, but I am considering starting a few shell sites to link to this page so that they are even higher... but that's just because I would like it easily accessible to people. I really need to think of some good Meta words for the site too. On Wed. I will be marching in protest of the protest against animal testing, that will be interesting, it is happening at the U of Utah. I figure without animal testing brian surgery wouldn't be where it is and also I wouldn't have the drugs I have to help me function. So why did animals get precident over humans? I don't like animals being hurt, but if animal testing can extend human life and improve the quality of life, why not do it? It's like people who want renewable green energy, but won't let anymore damns be built... way to get rid of the best renewable, green energy source we have available to us right now. Somehow coal power plants are still built though, kind of self defeating, but hey, it makes people feel like they are doing something. Brenda and I are doing alot better we have not argued in a long time, and although we have had some friction this week because she has been getting her portfolio ready for a company that does the inserts for PS2 games, it has not really flared into an argument. The entire thing should be done today, and then she can get back to her other projects which took a back seat for a week. I have been working for a neighbor who owns a rock climbing equipment company, and I have been making things for him, but I will be making a rant about that, I am not sure I will be able to do the work much longer. I have alot more to say, about school, and training for soccer, learning things about Linux and programs in it with Rawb, but I will have to do that later. I have alot of chores and errands I have to do everyday now.