Letters and Thoughts

"does being alive scare you?" By Sam Brown. www.explodingdog.com

Sayings:

A little death here and there never killed anybody - Taylor Flack

Billy would have had a better chance if he unstrapped himself from the wheelchair - Taylor Flack

When going through changes in and of the body, the spirit is affected - Taylor Flack

Guilt is past fear, worry is future fear, live in the present - Taylor Flack

You can do more with a kind word and a gun then you can with a kind word alone - Al Capone

24 days a week, 8 days an hour - Taylor Flack

If this (my desire) I desire is mine, I cannot lose it; if it is not, give me it's equivalent - Florence Schovel Shinn (FSS)

Infinite spirit, I give thanks that the (my desire) which is mine by Divine Right, is now released and reaches me under grace in a perfect way - FSS

Infinite spirit, open the way for great abundance for me. I am an irresistible magnet for all that belongs to me by Divine Right - FSS

I am always under direct inspiration; I make right decisions quickly - FSS

Acceptance isn't agreeance - heard it from my mother

Nothing should worry you in this life, only the knowlede of whether or not you can stand in the front of God with a clear conscience, confident in the fact that you can stand at his right hand side - Taylor Flack

We are begotten UNTO God, Christ is begotten OF God - I dont remember

Teach our children spiritual, not physical (as are all of God's commandments) doesn't mean you can't teach your children physical, but you MUST teach them spiritual - Taylor Flack

Thoughts lead to actions, actions to habits, habits to character, character to destiny - J.D. Whipple

He who doeth not anything until he receives a commandment, the same is damned - In the scriptures

Do we have the will to match our desire? - Taylor Flack

Small day to day choices direct and determine your life's heading and accomplishments - J.D. Whipple/Taylor Flack

To receieve them and love them as your own children, and to make them feel as though they are - no clue

Sacrifice = To make holy. Obedience = to hear or listen intelligently - the root meaning of each word

We need to treat our wives special, we need to treat them as Queens - Priesthood meeting in church

Obedience to God = hear what he has to say. Plant the seed = do it. See if it bears good fruit = look at the consequences of your actions - I forgot

Happiness does not bring Joy, Joy can bring Happiness - don't know

Fun is not Happiness, Fun is not Joy - don't know

Joy is what we all truly seek for, not happiness - still don't know

you want (insert anything here) more than you want to do my will? - my mother's answer to her prayers about marriage or mission

I have nothing to give you my Lord, it is all yours - from a story (yeah I should write down where things come from when I write them down)

Enjoy the process, not the end result - Taylor Flack (remember the drive to NY)

Possesion starts in the mind, and ends in the heart. Fantasizing = Possesion, Possesion = Unrighteous Dominion - J.D. Whippple

Selfish = Self Self, or self centered. Selfless = without self - you guessed it, I forgot!

Depression is a manifestation of Guilt - no clue

The spirit affects the body, and the body affects the spirit - Taylor Flack

Everything is a doubled edged sword, not only can it be your salvation, but your downfall too, and vice-versa - Taylor Flack

Everyone here is part of your test, and it is just a test, not everything - Taylor Flack

What a man stands for isn't everything, what he falls for aslo counts - Braveheart (I think)

Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone - Dead poets society

Letters:

Taylor, well your probably wondering why I am writing you this note, well as you know I am not very good at telling people my feelings to their face so I decided this was the best way. Well remember the first day we met and we both knew eachother from somewhere? Well I don't know exactly what it meant, but I knew the first time I laid eyes on you that my life would never be the same. I fell in love with you. Not only you but the way you laughed and the way you smiled and laughed. You were fun to be around and you made me feel like I was somebody special. I liked the way you were different from others. Not the same old typical boy. I was glad when we kept in touch. I wanted so bad to be with you. I was scared at first to be around you, simply because I thought if I said something stupid, you would think less of me. But I became comfortable around you. I have never liked anyone as much as I like you. It's like when you said you were scared to have a relationship with me because you have never had one with any girl. Well I've never liked any one to the extent where I would want to getas serious with as I do with you. When you got grounded I didn't know what to think. I like you so much and the thought of not being with you is not what I want. I know you don't like talking on the phone, and I apologize for calling you so much. I also want to say sorry for not talking to you. I knew that something was wrong when you would talk to me, that's why I didn't know what to say to you. I am really scared of you dumping me off. I kow you have changed and that we need to start over. But if being with me isn't what you want right now, then I need you to tell me, and hopefully we can be good friends and have a relationship in the future. But all I want is for you to be happy. Please tell me how you feel. I am willing to do anything you want me to it it means we can be together. (a drawing of a heart) Always and Forever Sheena George

Wow, that letter really sucked to read again. All I could think was: How many people have I hurt? How much pain has she gone through since then? I can honestly say that I loved her, I still have the picture of her in a gold frame that she gave me for christmas. Well as fate would have it, I called her house a little while ago, and she is married and has one child. Why in the hell did I let her go? What was I thinking? I do know that I called her to let her know the problems I have, so that she would not feel so bad about what happened between us. (I had run into her at a mall about a year after we parted, and all she could say was "Why taylor? What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why?" That cut me to the core, so much so that I couldn't answer her, just look at her on the verge of tears with my mouth slightly open. I understand more now why we parted, I just wish I had the chance to talk with her about it, and maybe bring some closure to it, sadly I don't think she even remembers. (I left a message with her mom to have her call me, but she has not yet)

Taylor, hey (smiley face) well, I had some really neat black and white pictures I was gonna send you but they came back today (I had to get copies made) and they are all screwed up... so, if I can get them to fix them, then I will send them to you later! (smiley face) Well, I hope you enjoy your chocolate and your pictures and your tape! (smiley face) I hope you can read this, I have kinda sloppy writing. (smiley face) Anyways, I want you to know that I love you and that I'm awaiting the day when I can see you. You mean everything to me, you have brought so much to my life and I can't even begin to thank you enough for that. I am always thinking about you and can't wait till the day comes that I can just be in your arms, and, if it's menat to be (which I really think it is) I also can't wait till that day that we can be sealed together forever. (smiley face) I love you with all my heart and I miss you tons! (smiley face) (a drawing of a heart) Love Always and Forever Jessie

Alright, so the pain never seems to end, that was from Jessica Vogl, her father was a boyscout when my dad was the boyscout leader. She was living in Germany at the time, and then moved to Virginia. We wrote to one another alot, and I was so happy to be able to see her when I moved to Virginia. When I was with her though, she ended up totally ignoring me, and I spent more time with her family than with her. She stopped writing me, and answering anything I wrote to her. A little while ago my family received an invitation to her wedding reception. All I can say is, I didn't go, and I was crushed. Crap caring for someone hurts... too bad I promised I wouldn't stop caring for people.

Taylor, K I don't hate you, did you understand me I do NOT H-A-T-E Y-O-U OK so don't think it -k- and if you think I do ask me, not mim or belle or deanna, me! Because I'm the only onethat knows! and just before 2nd per. today sorry I ignored you! -OK- this is my point of view! You and Steve use to always call me! then you got sick but still called! Then we had christmas dance and you were the ONLY ONE I danced w/! so I casically thought that we were together! But you never asked me out - so we weren't going out - then some people (I'm not saying who but some kids) told me you and deanna were ALL over each other so that pissed the heck out of me! Then a few days later we (me and belle) go to your house! I ignored you totally because I didn't wanta get hurt! Then you asked if we were together as I was elaving so I was so shocked! Then I didn't want to talk! Still I'm confused! Then I met Taylor May actually I met him on new years eve kind of - so me and him got together - then you come back and I'm kind of still pissed - but I'm not totally ignoring you! and then I thought we can still be friends - until I heard you want to fight Taylor, Eric, and Aaron Sein - that made me kinda mad cuz you don't know Taylor or Eric and you might know Aaron but still there's no reason to fight them! But I thought it wouldn't happen cuz Taylor went to Moab and I knew it just wouldn't! So I talk to you, even give you a hug! That's not a big thing but kind of because I hadn't talked to you forever! Then you and Brett come to my house which kind of surprised me! But I was cool about it! Then yesterday I heard you basically hated me, never wanted to see me, thought I was a bitch - and it goes on, so that you know, can make me kind of mad - I don't know would you be mad? Um yeah you would, so I don't know what's happening! Becuase I did do I don't know if I like youy? More or less then a friend! But I can say for sure I did like you! But now I don't know - I do got a boyfriend - and you hate me, or that's what I hear - I don't hate you, but I gotta go! You BETTER WRITE BACK becuase I need to know what you side is! C-ya (a drawing of a heart) Me

Well that was a letter in 8th grade... there are alot of things to address, but I will cut through the crap. I liked abby, she liked me. I got mono, the only person who ever visited me during the 4 1/2 months I was under orders to stay home, the entire time the only person who did visit me was Deanna. Brett (one of my best friends of the time) spread the rumor that Deanna and I were making out everyday (she would visit me everyday after school) so Abby got mad. When I came back to school everything was screwed up blah blah blah, I was hurt and upset, then Brett spread more rumors about me hating Abby, and it all fell apart. Also because I tried so much to salvage what I had with Abby I ended up losing Deanna. Yay for me. Now I have no one, and I'm alone. 100% most honorable super best buy.